Anyone who believes...

....that dance can't be an effective form of worship, hasn't spent a weekend worshipping with 20,000 Africans on a soccer field in Kampala, Uganda.

My roomates and I, along with the admin at Amani took the 2 hour trek to Kampala on Friday to don our bright yellow Passion World Tour 2008 volunteer tees and worship with thousands of college students at Makerere University, Kampala, as well as others who traveled from Sudan, Niger, the Congo and Tanzania. Choosing to volunteer at Passion was one of the best choices our leaders could have made - we spent the whole weekend getting to know the women over us through worshipping with them, crying with them, laughing with them, praying with them - they have truly become older women in my life, and I respect them deeply and wish I could spend a much longer time learning from them.

It was quite the weekend experience. Our (already late) driver was pulled over for speeding, paid off the cop, stopped twice for a banana and Uganda time and - I guess I am a Muzungu, so I don't quite understand.

But Passion ran on Ugandan time since they were our guests - instead of 10:00am we started at 11:00 am, instead of 3:00, we started at 4:00 - by the second night everyone had wisened up and gave a "tentative 7:00pm starting point - unless you and your friends aren't here - then well start at 7:30...or 8:00."

Marlee and I were put on admission duty - we let people in with wristbands, and told those that didn't have one to go to the white tent - until security got worried about us, and made us leave our post. We yelled "keep your wristbands for tomorrow! Have a great night! Thanks for coming!" to thousands of people surging out that night, and together our whole team worked at "being a presence" which normally meant sitting around in the grass laughing and trying to avoid Ugandan men who, turns out, like white women because they think we have lots of money, and will support them until they are old and wrinkly! No thank you, sir! This is on Mzungu that isn't interested. But poor Diana was overtaken time and time again - I finally sat on her lap and looked grumpy for a while to keep her safe. Part of being a presence, for me, meant taking an hour nap on three plastic chairs in the volunteer tent - I don't think I've ever been so comfortable in such an uncomfortable place.

Of all the people to see in Kampala, Uganda, in the midst of yelling about wristbands and trying to avoid the Ugandan men that seem to ALWAYS want to shake my hand goodnight and touch my arms, Pete Bargas yelled "HEY!" at me from about 20 feet away, and came running to give me a huge hug. Holly Gorsh and the rest of the Masters team followed soon after, and I think they could barely understand me I was so excited to see them all. They came to Amani on Saturday, so I wasn't here - but it was amazing to see them!

Late or not, we worshipped like I have never worshipped before. Dancing, yelling, singing, waving, holding hands, praying together - Louie Giglio and Francis Chan spoke about worship, about Christ's love for you as an individual, about sin, the universe - His calling of you to be someone that lives life as one person all the time - rather than two. Chan gave us Jeremiah 1, and Samuel 22 - He spoke of false humility, and God's creating your history, your family - your hopes, your dreams - your sorrows and joys, triumphs and failures - and those of the ones that have gone before you - for His purposes. Sitting on a soccer field in the largest city of the Pearl of Africa I knew he was right. I sat with my head in my hands, trying to ignore the huge bug bite I acquired on my bum during prayer, and thought about all that the Lord has done to brought me to where I am.

I thought of my mother - and her mother. I thought of the things my mom has taught me: her courage, her passion, the way she communicates - her love for writing. And my father - I have never been so thankful for my father. I realized, I think for the first time, how much my father has made me who I am. I thought of his love for traveling - and how back in college, before I was even a twinkle in his eye, he lived in Mexico and learned things that he has passed on to me since I was a little girl. Without my father I don't know that I would want to go overseas like I do. Thinking about my father, I thought about my grandfather - the Colonel. And I realized that if my dad hadn't grown up as an army brat, perhaps he wouldn't have learned to love to travel, and the world wouldn't have seemed to be waiting for him with baited breath when he was older - perhaps if my grandmother that I never met hadn't prayed, he never would have traveled, and he never would have begun to change in the ways that he did. Perhaps if she hadn't have died, he would have stayed longer in Mexico. Perhaps if he had stayed longer in Mexico, my father would have never met my mother - and their lives blended together would have never created in me this desire to GO! and to not only go but to communicate where I have gone. Mid-thought I began to worry about how He will ever carry out all his purposes in me - will I fall short? And, sitting with my head bowed listening to Francis Chan in the middle of Africa, I realized how incredibly silly that fear has been, ever since it first came into my heart. I can name God's specific working in the lives of two generations before me, and how they have crafted my arrival in Entebbe last friday - and yet I am afraid that God's plans for me won't be realized.

Rubbish.

Chan spoke of Moses' fear - his speech problem. And of God's response - "I made that mouth. Do you think I made it wrong? Are you judging what I have created!?" Oh, please, far be it from me. Far be it from me to believe that my own weakness is not designed by your perfect hand. Far be it from me to believe that my dehabilitating fears and my physical weakness cast me beyond the realm of those you choose to do amazing things for you.

Far be it from me to look inward and see something that you cannot use.

Far be it from me to claim that I am not right for the work you have given me the desire to do.

But Chan didn't end there. He interrupted my worried thoughts of how the next five years will - exactly - play out in my life, and how I can balance this boy I like to be around almost all of the time with this desire to go overseas for a year - with exactly what I needed to hear. "Stop thinking about what you need to do in the next years - or even in the next week. Stop thinking about tomorrow or later today. Just think about now - and right now you need to get on your feet in Kampala, Uganda, and you need to praise Him with Matt Redman." Oh, he's right!

This trip, for me, has been death to my fear. I have been learning that people like me can be used powerfully, but the fear inside of us has to go. Four day safari with an upset stomach, or sit at home with an upset stomach? Comfortable bathroom, or bush? Isn't it worth it to go and see the elephants? Exhaustion? A bit of de-worming? But isn't it better to have met 40 children whose teeth I must brush, whose hands I must wash, whose faces I must kiss and whose tears I must wipe? Isn't it better to stop fearing every step?

I looked back, a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep, on all the fears I've had in my life. Fears of monsters, fears of sickness, fears of death, fear that God wasn't big enough to save me - fear that I wouldn't be liked - fear that I wouldn't be smart enough for college - fear that I would be taken away by the Jinja forest bandits on the way to Amani - and I realized that they have, all of them, been a waste of time. 19 years, and much of them spent being afraid of things that have mostly never actually come to be. And the ones that have? They haven't been so bad.

So I am in Africa, and I am serving orphans. I am going on a 4 day safari without toilets. I am bungee jumping into the Nile - I am praying about where He would send me. And I am beginning to lose my fear that He won't finish what He's started.

So far, it's been completely unfounded.

We were told that if 1,000 students attend Passion Paris it will be the largest gathering of Christian students that anyone can ever remember - an offering was taken up - we all laughed - from African students, to fund the trip for Passion to minister to the students of Paris. Louie laughed at what he was asking - how upside down it was - and then told us all that the kingdom of God is upside down. This was the student's response:

And lest we forgot, in all the excitement, about the world outside the fences that were keeping us fed, secure and entertained, it gave us every opportunity to turn around, look behind us, and be reminded:

I have decided that Uganda is definately a possibility for future work - they have the most INCREDIBLE coffee that I have ever tasted. They've won me over - I'm hooked. I'll be back!

This toilet was one of my favorite sights in Kamala - and no, it's not because I really had to pee. It's because it is the coolest toilet I have ever seen! Check it out! Someone hand-made this thing with two colors of wood. Now that is some serious work put into something that serves the purpose that it does: