Slipping out

Life during my last two days of work at Amani has been normal - expected. Not much different - and yet so different than what I would normally do - I have to remind myself I'm looking at Lake Victoria - I'm in Africa - this is different. This is exciting. But life isn't really like that - like Anne of Green Gables says - it's pearls on a string, not fireworks. But there's been a lot going on in my mind - fireworks, tears, wishing to go - wishing to stay. Today I had extra patience for everything except Jayson crawling way too close to the 3 inch big spider. I tried to take everything in - my kids faces - the feeling of their hands while making green ink prints on white paper. Siouxanne climbed into my top bunk last night, where I was crying about Spendy and Africa and feeling small and not very used, and wrapped her arms around me, and told me I reminded her of herself on her first visit to Africa. This amazing woman, sitting in my messy bed with me, just let my cry and sniffle and talk about how I want to do what feels good instead of what God calls me to - and how I am learning to submit to going on His terms, and doing what He asks - regardless of whether I feel good or valuable, or like I did something worthwhile. Then I blubbered about feeling like I've been in Africa brushing teeth and playing with blocks for 3 weeks and I don't think I've helped at all. My friend - my Proverbs 31 kind of friend - my brave friend who left her grandchildren and children at home to be here - my friend who makes me laugh and lives her life for Christ openly and with zeal - my friend who I wish I could live with and learn from for much longer - wrapped her arms around me and told me that just doing what is asked of me - submitting to leadership - my heart for service - has been a breath of fresh air, and I will never know how much it has done, or accomplished. Then I cried harder - the God of the universe takes the girl who struggles with submission to Africa and uses her submission to bless the people there.

Only in His economy would that happen. Only in His economy would that be a trip worth glowing about.

And I am.